re·claim | \ri-ˈklām \
“to rescue from an undesirable state
also: to restore to a previous natural state”
Reclaiming somehow seems so harsh, like something was lost or stolen, almost taken away by force.
And I do feel like something is lost, maybe even taken away: my energy, my joy and passion…
I find my days merging from one to the next covered by a grey dreary veil. You could ask me what I was doing two days or a few weeks ago and I probably won’t remember. I find myself not experiencing excitement or looking forward to things I used to love, like a trip to a new city or an evening with friends. They’ve just become things on my to-do lists, part of my weekly plan, planned weeks ahead. Obligations or attempts at what I deem normality, when I would rather just lie in bed for hours on end.
I realise I am wasting my life.
That sentence alone strikes me as incredibly sad, but it might just be enough to fuel the changes I need.
This is not the life I want to be living. I sleep for over 10 hours and still feel exhausted and take several hours to get up. I struggle to take care of myself with such simple things like making sure I eat three meals a day- heck at the moment I am proud if I manage two and one of them isn’t a bag of crisps! I find myself numbing and pacifying myself for hours on end by aimlessly binge-watching series and scrolling through Facebook/ Instagram because it is easier than dealing with how I feel and the things I don’t want to acknowledge. I glorify being busy, being stressed. Living in two absurd states of either doing nothing at all, coming almost to a standstill, or doing so much I feel completely overwhelmed and pack everything into 15-hour days.
It is time for me to reclaim my life from whichever strange state I am currently living in. Because it is not healthy, fulfilling or making me happy. I don’t expect to be happy on every single day or even for an entire day but I want to feel excitement, anticipation for things again, small rushes of happiness, gratitude and contentment.
“Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.”
And today I showed up and got out of bed, showered and even washed my hair, made myself something to eat and sat down to write this. For today it is enough. But for tomorrow and the days to come- I want more.
Small steps for reclaiming my life:
- Sleep less:
Oversleeping has been linked to an increased risk of diabetes, cardiovascular disease and obesity as well as headaches. It has also been linked to depression, although it can be a symptom it can also make depression worse.
- Digital detox:
I definitely need to spend a lot less time on my phone and social media. I spend for too much time pacifying myself than it actually bringing me benefits.
Very interesting study on the link between depression and social media:
Something I have had a strange relationship with for many years is food. When I feel stressed out, I lose my appetite and stop eating. The paradox thing is we all know food gives us the energy we need to get through the day and especially in stressful times we need to make sure to give our bodies all the nutrients it needs, rather than adding extra stress by depriving it. So I need to make sure I get my five a day and eat three proper meals.
- Gratitude practise:
I hope a daily gratitude practise will help me appreciate the small day to day things and overall make me happier.
I have a few other things I want to try out but for the moment if I manage to make one of these changes permanent it will be a very big step in the right direction!